I need to remember...

I need to remember that I'm not STUCK here for another year... I'm blessed to be here.

I need to remember how lucky I am to be able to go to a school with such fabulous music teachers.

I need to remember that it is a blessing that I CAN still live at home. Lots of kids were kicked out of their houses at 18, or just can't get along with their parents.

I need to remember that people, as annoying and stupid as they can be, can also surprise you with how loving and amazing they can be. There are good people out there, even today.

I need to remember, that complaining about being stuck in a rut might let some of the stress out, but besides that, it really doesn't accomplish much. The only way to get out of a rut, is to keep trying and trying until you finally are. It's like that little story from "Catch Me if You Can" about the 2 mice that fell into a bucket of cream. Give up and drown, or keep trying and eventually succeed. Those are the options, and this is the only life we get to make the right choice.

Stay focused on the good. The bad things will pass.

Remember when Summer was fun??

I do not want to be a kid again, believe me, but I do envy them their Summers of freedom and joy. Adults need Summers too, and it's a shame we don't get them, not to mention unhealthy and disheartening.

One more year of school (hopefully) before I graduate, but I don't feel like I'm close to anything extraordinary. I am proud of this music degree. I've learned a lot and it's all been a great experience. However, with no idea where it will take me, and no clue how to get there, I have a feeling that in a year, when I graduate, I'll feel just as lost as I do now. And then what? Work at a coffee shop for the rest of my life? I'm blessed to have the job, but it is just not a place I want to end up.

There aren't photography/ film classes being offered at my Uni. I've been wanting to get my massage license for years and something has always gotten in the way; mostly money. My car keeps breaking in new and interesting ways, and mechanics are expensive, and often untrustworthy. I just feel life going in a downward spiral, and yet, shouldn't this time be the most exciting time of my life?

I just want to go somewhere amazing and stay there and figure life out there. Be done with school and just GO somewhere, with no money and no plan and find it there! But that's a tremendous leap of faith. Maybe my goal for this year will be to muster up the courage to do that! That or find something here worthwhile.

Dear God, help me.

FINALLY Summer 2011!!

This semester was by far the most stressful of my college career. By the grace of God, I got through it, passing everything except my piano proficiency, but hey, I'll take that!! It has been a crazy semester, to say the least, with the load of classes and all the stupid politics going on in the school administration. I am beyond grateful that it is finally over!!

This Summer has not been the least bit boring. First Borders closed, so the first week of my summer I was working for them as they were liquidating for a final week. Then it was time to find a job, which thankfully, I have, at Starbucks, and I'm loving it so far. But other than work, there have been bachelorette parties, car troubles, choir rehearsals, cement pouring... there has not been a dull moment yet. There is always something to do, and that's probably because, to some extent, I have to catch up on all the things I couldn't do during the semester!! I swear, if you are a full time student who works, you really have to put your life on hold to do what you need to do. I've got one more year of putting my life on hold, and it really sucks, from that perspective. I'm about to be 24, and I'm feeling it.

I feel... stuck in a rut. I'm not ashamed of living at home. I'm not ashamed of being single; in fact, I'm kinda proud of it because I have not settled for anyone, and I never will. However, in all honesty, I am sick of being stuck in those two situations. I feel that my job at Starbucks is a stepping stone to getting out on my own because I'm getting paid more by the hour than I have anywhere else. Also, I'm in the beginnings of setting up my own Mary Kay business. I never thought I'd be one of those women, and in all honestly, I do not really fit in with them, but it seems like a good opportunity that could actually get me somewhere, if I put enough effort into it. I hope I'm moving in the right direction...

...But I know I'm still going to be at home and probably single a year from now... and that makes my soul hurt. I'm trying to keep an open mind and say, "anything could happen," but come on... I've still got a year of school left... I won't have time for crap else. And even after that, I'll be starting my life!! for real! Trying to get out on my own, and hopefully become a self-sufficient adult!! That's going to take a hell of a lot of work, too. So... when is life going to happen? People keep saying, it'll happen when I least expect it. Well I'm almost 24.... and I'm sick of being patient. What does God want from me?! I don't understand.

Song: Make You Fell My Love -- Adele