performing

I often feel pretty crappy about the state of the world and life lately. I often feel like nothing I do really matters, and the world is just going to continue going to pot and there's nothing I can do about it. And while that may be true, for some reason, when I go to this opera rehearsal I've been doing, I immediately feel ten thousand times better. I had a whole post written out before I went to rehearsal full of complaints about the world and not knowing what I could possibly do about it. But now I feel like, sure, the world may keep on sucking, but I'm going to do the best I can to make it better, and I feel like when I'm performing, somehow, I'm doing that. Maybe it's just my life I'm making better, but I feel like, and I hope, that it rubs off on others. It may be stupid, but it makes life better, and I'm not going to argue with that.

Forgiveness

I'm a little confused as to what exactly this word actually means. I mean... when someone does something disrespectful or whatever, I can't imagine that you would be expected to just let it go and keep treating them like nothing is wrong. And yet, that's what people seem to expect, of me at least. Maybe that's what I've done in the past: I've been angry for a while, but eventually let it go and forgot about it. Well, the thing is, that that didn't solve anything. The person I had done that to would just continue to treat me in the same way. When it's someone that is permanently in your life, what do you do about it? Ideally, this person wouldn't treat you this way in the first place, and yes, everyone makes mistakes, but to do it consistently is ridiculous; and to put up with it would be even more ridiculous not to mention unfair to you. No one should have to put up with being mistreated, no matter who's doing it. But then, everyone is expected, by God, to forgive each other. So my question is... what does it mean to forgive? Does that mean letting it go and forgetting and continuing to let them treat you this way? I can't imagine that that would be correct. Does it just mean know that everyone makes mistakes and don't hold it against them? Is being angry at the person holding it against them? And if so, how can you possibly forgive someone if you are angry at them and refuse to let it go? I want to forgive this person, but I refuse to let him continue to treat me this way, and I don't even want to speak to him since he hasn't shown any remorse for his actions. So, my first step is trying to figure out exactly what forgiveness is and what it means, and I haven't been able to do that for myself. So, I am asking for y'alls opinions.

Am I focusing on the wrong thing? Instead of worrying about what forgiveness means, should I just go on with life being angry? How can you stop being angry at someone when they aren't sorry for what they've done? Maybe that will just come with time? Man, if I'm having trouble with this, I can't even imagine how hard forgiveness must be for say, a parent who's child was murdered or something. In that case, even if the parent did manage to somehow forgive the person who did it, that person would still be expected to pay for their actions. What "punishment" could I possibly bestow that would be fair "payment" for what he did? I guess all I have is to not talk to them anymore, until they at least realize what they did and are remorseful. But what if that never happens? I don't expect it to ever happen. Does that mean never speaking to this person again? I guess it does. And I don't know how that'll ever work, and it is so sad to lose this person, but... I think it is for the best, because I don't deserve to be treated this way.

Comedians

Chelsea Handler rocks my socks.

Ya gotta have respect for Comedians, because they aren't afraid to say whatever the hell they want. Lawsuits don't scare these people, and I love that, 'cause pretty much everyone else in the public view has to be so overly careful what they say all the time. Ya know what, if we can't make fun of ourselves, then we are living some sad little lives. It's time to relax, stop jumping down everyone's throat if they say something that offends you, and just flat out try harder to get along. I know that people are rude sometimes, but stop and wonder if you're not just being overly sensitive. And either way, sometimes it's better just to let it go. Often, people who say things like this, don't really mean it anyway. Something in their head may have come out the wrong way, or maybe they're just not thinking and repeating something they've heard recently. I know I do that sometimes, as stupid as it is, and I always feel like a jackass afterwards. The point is, people make mistakes, even in everyday conversations. Relax, take a breath, and maybe we'll all get along a little easier, and maybe even have some fun while we're at it.

Whole Wide World - Wreckless Eric

Check out the colorful chandelier in the beginning of the above clip. Yeah, I want that. This movie is just fabulous. If you haven't seen it, you desperately need to.

I got a new, better email address, hence, a new and better blog. Even though no one reads this, I just like to write in it, post stuff, etc. in hopes that someone out there will read it. Or maybe I'm just making my life easier to stalk, I don't know. whatever.