Hello All!
So.... I have had a hell of a week.
The part I really want to talk about is the struggle of changing ones habits, which I'm finally trying to do again, so I'll talk about that first and then fill y'all in on some other stuff.
Soooo.... my cholesterol is super high. It runs in my family, so it's not surprising, but it's way higher than I thought it would be at my age, so I've gotta change my habits.
I've always struggled with my workout habits. I played soccer as a kid and LOVED it, and always prided myself on doing all of the laps in the PACER, which for those who don't remember is the running back and forth across the gym thing. We got a 100 if we made it to 81 (I think it was) and I made it every time. I felt like I loved to run, so I joined track in middle school.
Then my joints started hurting, starting at my ankles, then to my knees, etc. So I went up to my coach and asked her how to strengthen my joints, because I felt like my joints were going to give out. And she responded, "Well, you know your body. If you can't run, you can't run!"
I wish this hadn't broken my spirit, but it did. I assumed that I just wasn't built to run and I quit.
Now, I want to go back in time and say, "dude, I'm 12! I don't know my body!" and then go off and ask someone who could actually help me, but alas, I have no time machine.
I thought about trying out for the soccer team in HS, but I (very naively) thought that I already had to be good at soccer by then to make the team, and I didn't think I was good enough so I didn't try out. Plus I was already a theater/choir nerd, so I had enough to do after school.
There's more to my not-working-out-on-a-regular-basis story, but I think you get the basis of it. The only things to add are, 1- that I had some major body image issues, and 2- that I cannot afford a gym and live in TX where it's hot as balls most of the year round. Oh, and that matters because 3- I'm very sensitive to heat. Always have been. I turn red and get called a "tomato" and feel embarrassed and gross.
So now, I need to change that habit... at the age of 35. I know it's possible and I hope I can stay this committed to doing it.
Now's a good time of year to start, and I have. Even though I'm still getting over a ridiculous allergy attack, I've been taking meds, drinking lots of water, starting to eat better, and have gone hiking almost every day for the past week. I'm starting slow, and with a dog who wants to stop way too often, but I started and I'm proud of myself for that. Now to keep it going.
Here's my big dilemma thus far: Why do people procrastinate things they want to do??
I finally did go hiking the other day, but I planned to go much earlier in the day and procrastinated until about noon.
I have plenty of excuses for that, but this is a thing I've done a lot in the past, too. Do we just put off things for drama? Is this a thing y'all have done before or do y'all not have any idea what I'm talking about? I'd love some genuine answers to this quandary, if you've got them.
Anyway, I went, so I'm proud of myself for that. Now to keep doing it, every fucking day that it's remotely possible.
The other big thing going on with me, I have to be super vague about because it involves very private people. Someone I love needs help and has never been one to accept it, and it's left me at a loss for what to do. They don't seem to understand how much their own well-being matters either, which is incredibly frustrating. They're willing to accept a garbage deal even when people are trying to deal them something better. Stubborn doesn't begin to explain it.
Basically, I love them and want to help, but they won't let me and it's a horrible, stressful, hopeless feeling.
I probably don't say enough how much I love the kids I nanny for. I am forever grateful to this wonderful family for giving me this job and treating me with so much respect, and as if I'm one of the family. The kids, in particular, are a hopeful light in my life that will never cease to amaze me. Same with my nibblings, especially Keren's kids, since they're the ones I see all the time, but also Caleb's since somehow, even though they're teenagers, they still make time for me in their lives. These kids are my personal motivation for bettering the world and myself. I can't give up, because their futures and lives depend on the world, and all I have is my example, so I've got to do what little I can do for them.
I'm very lucky to have jobs, wonderful apartment management, my health (mostly), pets, family, and friends that are there for me. I don't take any of those things for granted.
