I need to remember...

I need to remember that I'm not STUCK here for another year... I'm blessed to be here.

I need to remember how lucky I am to be able to go to a school with such fabulous music teachers.

I need to remember that it is a blessing that I CAN still live at home. Lots of kids were kicked out of their houses at 18, or just can't get along with their parents.

I need to remember that people, as annoying and stupid as they can be, can also surprise you with how loving and amazing they can be. There are good people out there, even today.

I need to remember, that complaining about being stuck in a rut might let some of the stress out, but besides that, it really doesn't accomplish much. The only way to get out of a rut, is to keep trying and trying until you finally are. It's like that little story from "Catch Me if You Can" about the 2 mice that fell into a bucket of cream. Give up and drown, or keep trying and eventually succeed. Those are the options, and this is the only life we get to make the right choice.

Stay focused on the good. The bad things will pass.

Remember when Summer was fun??

I do not want to be a kid again, believe me, but I do envy them their Summers of freedom and joy. Adults need Summers too, and it's a shame we don't get them, not to mention unhealthy and disheartening.

One more year of school (hopefully) before I graduate, but I don't feel like I'm close to anything extraordinary. I am proud of this music degree. I've learned a lot and it's all been a great experience. However, with no idea where it will take me, and no clue how to get there, I have a feeling that in a year, when I graduate, I'll feel just as lost as I do now. And then what? Work at a coffee shop for the rest of my life? I'm blessed to have the job, but it is just not a place I want to end up.

There aren't photography/ film classes being offered at my Uni. I've been wanting to get my massage license for years and something has always gotten in the way; mostly money. My car keeps breaking in new and interesting ways, and mechanics are expensive, and often untrustworthy. I just feel life going in a downward spiral, and yet, shouldn't this time be the most exciting time of my life?

I just want to go somewhere amazing and stay there and figure life out there. Be done with school and just GO somewhere, with no money and no plan and find it there! But that's a tremendous leap of faith. Maybe my goal for this year will be to muster up the courage to do that! That or find something here worthwhile.

Dear God, help me.