How do you feel infinite? I haven't felt that way in a long time. Yes, I just watched The Perks of Being a Wallflower. :) How can anyone not feel philosophical after that? If you haven't seen it, please do. I don't even think it's one of those movies where you really "should" read the book first... the movie sums it up very nicely.
Anyway, I have friends. I'm not just a loner. Although, lately, I definitely feel like one. I just don't know how to take the next step in my life. I'm "supposed" to know what to do by now, and I don't. Sometimes I feel just as confused as I was 10 years ago. The high school kids in movies often seem to have a better understanding... definitely of high school than I did at the time, and probably a better idea about life than I do now. I've even made new friends since moving to here, they're all just very busy. I'm not. I like it that way, though. I like being able to read books, watch movies, listen to music, clean, talk to my friends on the phone, maybe get lunch with one of them. I like having time to do the things I want to do... even if I don't do enough of them 'cause I'm so broke.
I know I need to be finding a way to get entirely on my own feet. I've been harping on this topic for a long time now, and I'm sure what few readers I do have are quite tired of it, and for that I'm very sorry. Honestly, I'm truly sick of talking about it, I just don't know what else to do. Or really, what people keep telling me to do is exactly what I don't want to do. I don't see the point in pretending to be this amazing person and going on all these interviews just to get what? All I've found are crummy jobs. The last thing I want is to end up in a job I hate. No one wants that... maybe me least of all, 'cause everyone still seems to go do it. I feel like it would be a waste of life to do that. I'm interested in lots of things; shouldn't I - shouldn't we all be able to do the things we love doing in our lives? Not just me - Everybody!
I can go anywhere and do anything with my life at this point. I'm done with school; nothing is tying me down to any one spot... although at this point, it's going to be even harder to move far away than it would've been if I'd done so right after graduating, 'cause I'm going to miss seeing my sister's family every day. But I can't stay here for them; I have to go and do something for me, which may sound selfish, but it will be a much better example set for my nieces in the long run, anyway.
My point is, my future is kind of directionless, and that's good and bad. I wish I were a more decisive person, but I love too many things, I guess... if that's possible. What I, and I think everyone loves and needs most of all, are those infinite moments, as described in the aforementioned film. The one's where you know more than ever that you're alive. That you're not just a sob story, an after-school special, a cautionary tale... you are you, and you are amazing, and your life is a meaningful gift and you're truly reveling in it. We could all use more of those moments, of course. We let the world get in the way of those moments far, far too often.
Pray for me as I will for thee. We all need it. Love you.
Anyway, I have friends. I'm not just a loner. Although, lately, I definitely feel like one. I just don't know how to take the next step in my life. I'm "supposed" to know what to do by now, and I don't. Sometimes I feel just as confused as I was 10 years ago. The high school kids in movies often seem to have a better understanding... definitely of high school than I did at the time, and probably a better idea about life than I do now. I've even made new friends since moving to here, they're all just very busy. I'm not. I like it that way, though. I like being able to read books, watch movies, listen to music, clean, talk to my friends on the phone, maybe get lunch with one of them. I like having time to do the things I want to do... even if I don't do enough of them 'cause I'm so broke.
I know I need to be finding a way to get entirely on my own feet. I've been harping on this topic for a long time now, and I'm sure what few readers I do have are quite tired of it, and for that I'm very sorry. Honestly, I'm truly sick of talking about it, I just don't know what else to do. Or really, what people keep telling me to do is exactly what I don't want to do. I don't see the point in pretending to be this amazing person and going on all these interviews just to get what? All I've found are crummy jobs. The last thing I want is to end up in a job I hate. No one wants that... maybe me least of all, 'cause everyone still seems to go do it. I feel like it would be a waste of life to do that. I'm interested in lots of things; shouldn't I - shouldn't we all be able to do the things we love doing in our lives? Not just me - Everybody!
I can go anywhere and do anything with my life at this point. I'm done with school; nothing is tying me down to any one spot... although at this point, it's going to be even harder to move far away than it would've been if I'd done so right after graduating, 'cause I'm going to miss seeing my sister's family every day. But I can't stay here for them; I have to go and do something for me, which may sound selfish, but it will be a much better example set for my nieces in the long run, anyway.
My point is, my future is kind of directionless, and that's good and bad. I wish I were a more decisive person, but I love too many things, I guess... if that's possible. What I, and I think everyone loves and needs most of all, are those infinite moments, as described in the aforementioned film. The one's where you know more than ever that you're alive. That you're not just a sob story, an after-school special, a cautionary tale... you are you, and you are amazing, and your life is a meaningful gift and you're truly reveling in it. We could all use more of those moments, of course. We let the world get in the way of those moments far, far too often.
Pray for me as I will for thee. We all need it. Love you.
