Marriage...

Okay, I know it's coming out now because I'm watching the Bridges of Madison County, but this is something that I've really been thinking about for a while now. I don't mean to offend anyone in asking this question.

How can anyone honestly say to a person, "Not only will I love you forever, but you will be the only person I will ever love this much or in this way." That's hopefully what people are saying when they get married, right? And not just that, of course, but also "I will commit to you, be devoted to you, and put you before myself in every decision I make."

I truly want to know... how can anyone ever guarantee all of that? There's no way one could possibly know for sure, right?

I mean, I realize that marriage is saying "forsaking all others"... so I guess it's kinda open to the possibility, but you're saying if, on the off chance (because you're not going to be looking for love anywhere else), it happened and you actually fell in love with someone else, you would forsake them... you would deny them and remember your love for your spouse and that's it. Right? And I understand how that can be a beautiful, honorable commitment thing and probably be well worth forsaking others because it's unlikely that you'll ever fall in love with someone else more, hopefully.

However, life is unpredictable. You never really know what's going to happen next. And wouldn't it be a tremendous shame to meet the love of your life and have to forsake them because of a decision you made in the past?

sigh... I get that marriage could be wonderful. But there is always that chance, when you get married, that it won't be. And that is a tremendous gamble, if you don't ever intend to get divorced. Which, of course, one should never get married because they know that if it doesn't work out, divorce is always there. Right?

Don't get me wrong, I've had my experience with divorce, and it can be, and I venture to say it usually is, a WONDERFUL thing in the lives of these two people. However, no one starts a marriage wanting to get divorced. So, if in your head, divorce isn't an option for you... how can anyone honestly say... "for better or worse", and truly truly mean that?? I understand that it's a truly selfless thing to live life for someone else, and the only way to truly love anyone. However, it seems that if you don't truly love them for the rest of your life, you would just end up resenting them for that. Plus, if you fall in love with someone else, and feel trapped... then you probably aren't emotionally prepared to take care of anybody else. Right?

Am I making any sense at all? sigh.

Just a little update

So, I thought maybe I should put something regarding my life in this blog. You know, and how it's currently going.

Well, I just finally registered for classes for this Spring 2011 Semester, which is awesome, 'cause I wasn't sure I'd be able to go back this Semester. The fees went way way up and I owed the school a lot of money. By the grace of God I have that all paid off, and am now preparing for another Hell semester, in which I will somehow pass all my classes, give a killer recital, perform in West Side Story, and get a job sufficient enough to pay off the fees for this semester and save up for the Memorial Hermann Massage and Spa Therapy School this Summer. Sounds impossible, but I'm gonna do the best I can.

Schola Cantorum (the choir I'm in at HBU) is going to Vienna in August of this year, and while Vienna is like my second home, and I've wanted to go back ever since I left in 2008... going this year with them is really just a pipe dream. It all depends on the fund raising we are able to do. I'm not expecting anything amazing to happen... trying not to get my hopes up. But there is that slight slight SLIGHT possibility. :)

My family is a happy, healthy bunch, and I am overly blessed to have them in my life. I've been able to spend lots of time with my nieces and nephew over Christmas, and of course, am eternally grateful for every second of that precious time. I know I say I don't want kids, for practical reasons, but deep in my soul, of course I love kids... especially these kids!! I'm the luckiest Aunt on the planet.

Lily-20 months

Cassidy-5 and Logan-3 1/3

On top of this... anytime me and my three siblings are actually all together at once is a rarity and a blessing.

Mom, Keren, Caleb, Me and Chris

And so, life goes on. It's scary, and never perfect, but I feel so lucky to have these people in it.

I hope y'all all had a wonderful 2010 and I hope for an incredible 2011!!!