Just dropped the girls off at school. I didn't get to see them that much this weekend, because I was doing stuff "for me" like hanging with my friends by the river, or by the pool when I wasn't at work. Don't get me wrong, it was awesome, but I missed those girls. I really wanted to keep Evelyn home today, but I know I need to take this day and use it to be productive.
Living here has it's ups and downs just like anywhere would... but the ups are HUGE. Keren made the very good point that once I do officially move out and have my stuff in an apartment or somewhere, that's it- I'll be paying rent and other bills for the rest of my life.
I want my own space that is mine. I've wanted it for 10 years, but I know it would be idiotic to move out and not have the money to support myself. I'm considering lots of directions to go in. I could go back to school (ick), I could maybe, hopefully find an internship? I have more financial freedom right now than I ever will again, especially after I move out.
But oooohh, I cannot wait to have a place that is mine. Where I can stay up as late as I want, decorate however I want, watch and cook whatever/ whenever I want, only have me to worry about- my dishes, my laundry, and THAT'S IT!
I know I don't have to have my life figured out to just take a job that pays the bills. I'm just scared to end up stuck in a job/ life that I hate. I know it's ultimately up to me, but it happens to people all the time- especially in this economy. You gotta pay the bills, you gotta work, and sometimes people get stuck. I don't want to waste my life being stuck. I'm 25, single, childless, got my degree... this should be the best time of my life. Instead I'm just unsure and confused.
"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." -Mahatma Ghandi
"When nothing is sure, everything is possible." -Margret Drabble
