I'm a little confused as to what exactly this word actually means. I mean... when someone does something disrespectful or whatever, I can't imagine that you would be expected to just let it go and keep treating them like nothing is wrong. And yet, that's what people seem to expect, of me at least. Maybe that's what I've done in the past: I've been angry for a while, but eventually let it go and forgot about it. Well, the thing is, that that didn't solve anything. The person I had done that to would just continue to treat me in the same way. When it's someone that is permanently in your life, what do you do about it? Ideally, this person wouldn't treat you this way in the first place, and yes, everyone makes mistakes, but to do it consistently is ridiculous; and to put up with it would be even more ridiculous not to mention unfair to you. No one should have to put up with being mistreated, no matter who's doing it. But then, everyone is expected, by God, to forgive each other. So my question is... what does it mean to forgive? Does that mean letting it go and forgetting and continuing to let them treat you this way? I can't imagine that that would be correct. Does it just mean know that everyone makes mistakes and don't hold it against them? Is being angry at the person holding it against them? And if so, how can you possibly forgive someone if you are angry at them and refuse to let it go? I want to forgive this person, but I refuse to let him continue to treat me this way, and I don't even want to speak to him since he hasn't shown any remorse for his actions. So, my first step is trying to figure out exactly what forgiveness is and what it means, and I haven't been able to do that for myself. So, I am asking for y'alls opinions.
Am I focusing on the wrong thing? Instead of worrying about what forgiveness means, should I just go on with life being angry? How can you stop being angry at someone when they aren't sorry for what they've done? Maybe that will just come with time? Man, if I'm having trouble with this, I can't even imagine how hard forgiveness must be for say, a parent who's child was murdered or something. In that case, even if the parent did manage to somehow forgive the person who did it, that person would still be expected to pay for their actions. What "punishment" could I possibly bestow that would be fair "payment" for what he did? I guess all I have is to not talk to them anymore, until they at least realize what they did and are remorseful. But what if that never happens? I don't expect it to ever happen. Does that mean never speaking to this person again? I guess it does. And I don't know how that'll ever work, and it is so sad to lose this person, but... I think it is for the best, because I don't deserve to be treated this way.
Hey Candace,
ReplyDeleteI know I am certainly not wise enough to answer your incredibly good and complex question, but I will do my best. I was listening to the radio the other day, and the dj told a true story about a boy who had been so badly beaten by some bullies that it caused really bad brain damage. The bullies were caught and they had to go to court. After they were sentenced to go to juvenile prison the mother of the boy who was beaten stood up and read a letter out loud to the whole court that she had written to the boys who had beat her son. In the letter she expressed how she forgave them, and they started crying. I know that after this at least one of them excepted Christ as their Savior.
This woman's dear sweet son whom she cherished so much had permanent brain damage from those boys, and yet she was still able to forgive them. Through this great action of hers, at least one of them was saved.
I can't imagaine what your going through, cousin, but I just want to encourage you to continue to forgive with the strength and unconditional love of Christ.
-Phage
Ps. 21 Then Peter came to Him and said, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?" 22 Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven." -Matthew 18:21-22
I'm sorry I guess I just now realized that I didn't exactly answer your question, "What does it mean to forgive?"
ReplyDeleteI believe that to forgive is to love, and to be like Christ. Christ is forgiveness. We must strive to be like Christ. To strive to be like Christ is to strive to forgive. I hope I could help! I love you, cousin!
-Phage
hey dear,
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure I have a great answer, but while reading your blog one thing popped into my mind. I have been reading "The Reason for God" and in it, it mentions that we don't have to be angry because "vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord" In regard to one of your questions, WE can't do something to appropriately punish anyone—a “mild” offender or the murderer of our child. People who dont believe in an afterlife or after-life-judgement feel that earthly justice is very important (ie court/prison etc) but christians can recognize "there but for the grace of God go I." we cannot judge the offending person, perhaps they are doing relatively "better" in their lives than we... something that struck me is when the author said that good character is largely due to good raising... which made me think about all the advantages i have had and how this also applies to my academic life or other areas... like my violin "talent" is largely related to my parents willingness to pay for my lessons and the time I was given to practice, etc. Though people look at me and may think I am better or worse than someone else, as Christians we are called to leave the judgement to God, since he can see the heart and man only sees outward appearances.
As for continuing to see this person, I dont think you are required to spend your time with them. i dont know much more than that. pray and seek counsel from wiser older people. which i suppose you are doing.
<3
Phage- Thank you. I love you for giving me more to think about and even just trying to answer this, as you said, very complex question. I love you, too!
ReplyDeleteAmy- You're very right. The question shouldn't be about what I can do to "punish" him because there is nothing, and there never will be. That's up to God. What is up to me is how I treat him after this. All I can do is love him I guess, as Phage said... but in loving him, that also does not mean letting him treat me this way. I suppose it's simply letting him know when he treats me this way, how it makes me feel? and perhaps, just leaving when he starts to treat me this way? It doesn't sound like enough, but whether it gets my point across or not isn't up to me.. it's up to God and it's up to this person and whether he loves me enough to listen or not. sigh. Forgiveness is hard... but then, nothing worthwhile is ever easy.
Thanks again, y'all!
My friend, Leona, emailed me a link to this wonderful article regarding this very topic, which I found to be very comforting and helpful:
ReplyDeletehttp://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/12/26/on-forgiveness/?emc=eta1
I hope y'all find it useful as well.