I like to say I'm artistic. I've been called artistic by people close to me throughout my life. Does that make it so?
I love art in all of its forms. Love. And I mean that, passionately. Surely, anyone who truly knows me can attest to that. And yet, I don't do very much art at all.
Why do I allow that?
How does one allow the mundane, daily actions necessary in "life" to become bigger than your passion?
I've dabbled in many passions. I grew up in a musical family, and therefore always had that as a basis, but was consistently associated with color and expression as well, and as I grew, developed a passion for many other art forms...
But dabbling isn't enough. To be great, one has to throw yourself into it, with every tiny atom of your being.
It's so much easier to look at what other people have done and give up on oneself; to say, "Well, I'll never be *that* good, so what's the point?" Especially in this day and age where there are more videos, songs, clips, stories, biographies, photographs than one could ever possibly view or read or listen to in a lifetime.
All that thought makes me wish for is an endless lifetime.
I want to see the Exposition of 1900. I want to listen to Hitler give a speech and see if I would be one of the millions blinded by his propaganda. I want to experience Rome, Ancient Greece, and the life of Jesus all for myself. Who wouldn't? My hope is that in Heaven, I will finally be able to see all of those things.
But regardless of that, I only have one life here on Earth. Rationally, I know that, and yet I put more energy into "resting up" for my shitty little customer service jobs than I would ever care to admit.
It's a choice. It's a choice to give up on oneself and settle... or not.
I'm ashamed of my settling. I hope that in writing this, I will be giving myself a slap in the face to wake up and do what I love before it's too late....
But not so deep down, I know that daily life will get the better of me. I'll realize that I have to pay the bills, and tell myself that maybe I'm being selfish for wanting all this passion in my life.
How fucked up is that?!
I don't have the answer. My "answer" is to tell myself to follow my heart instead of my head.... and then to continue paying the bills and playing by the rules like a good little girl, just hoping that my opportunity for greatness will sneak up on me one day, and suddenly, I'll finally feel a sense of absolution: like I have actually managed to live my life to the best of my ability.
I love art in all of its forms. Love. And I mean that, passionately. Surely, anyone who truly knows me can attest to that. And yet, I don't do very much art at all.
Why do I allow that?
How does one allow the mundane, daily actions necessary in "life" to become bigger than your passion?
I've dabbled in many passions. I grew up in a musical family, and therefore always had that as a basis, but was consistently associated with color and expression as well, and as I grew, developed a passion for many other art forms...
But dabbling isn't enough. To be great, one has to throw yourself into it, with every tiny atom of your being.
It's so much easier to look at what other people have done and give up on oneself; to say, "Well, I'll never be *that* good, so what's the point?" Especially in this day and age where there are more videos, songs, clips, stories, biographies, photographs than one could ever possibly view or read or listen to in a lifetime.
All that thought makes me wish for is an endless lifetime.
I want to see the Exposition of 1900. I want to listen to Hitler give a speech and see if I would be one of the millions blinded by his propaganda. I want to experience Rome, Ancient Greece, and the life of Jesus all for myself. Who wouldn't? My hope is that in Heaven, I will finally be able to see all of those things.
But regardless of that, I only have one life here on Earth. Rationally, I know that, and yet I put more energy into "resting up" for my shitty little customer service jobs than I would ever care to admit.
It's a choice. It's a choice to give up on oneself and settle... or not.
I'm ashamed of my settling. I hope that in writing this, I will be giving myself a slap in the face to wake up and do what I love before it's too late....
But not so deep down, I know that daily life will get the better of me. I'll realize that I have to pay the bills, and tell myself that maybe I'm being selfish for wanting all this passion in my life.
How fucked up is that?!
I don't have the answer. My "answer" is to tell myself to follow my heart instead of my head.... and then to continue paying the bills and playing by the rules like a good little girl, just hoping that my opportunity for greatness will sneak up on me one day, and suddenly, I'll finally feel a sense of absolution: like I have actually managed to live my life to the best of my ability.
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