Walls

People often test my limits. When I confront them about it, they just say that it's fun.

I'm pretty much an open book, and some people are REALLY good at reading me. And MANY people throughout my life have done and continue to do this with me. I'm just a naturally trusting person, and it's gotten me hurt in the past.

This fact has caused me to become very defensive and maybe miss out on what could be some great friendships.

I found this article (that unfortunately revolves around horoscopes) but it pretty much hits the nail on the head for me:

"Sensitive. Any critique can seem like an especially scathing remark to her though she may not verbalize it. Her heart has noted any wounds to it as an indelible memory until it can have its vindication. She has a connection with history and likes to show it with a display of a collection of antiques or old portraits or paintings in her home. This appeals to her sense of continuity. She likes a strong sense of security in life and love. In a partner she expects stability and you will need to court her romantically. She will be passionate and faithful once she’s yours. Whoever coined the phrase “Ride or Die” was probably referring to a Cancer woman. Her loyalty seems to know no bounds. Her devoted nature and desire to please her partner make her one of the most satisfying sexual partners of the zodiac. She has to know that she can trust you before she will let go of her inhibitions. Doting on her partner is not limited to the bedroom. She loves to, and can cook well and keeps a tidy home making her an excellent housewife if she so chooses. If you are in search of a sensual, loving partner who makes you feel at home Cancer is your answer."

Also, I don't know how Billy Joel knows me so well:

Some people stay far away from the door
If there's a chance of it opening up
They hear a voice in the hall outside
And hope that it just passes by

Some people live with the fear of a touch
And the anger of having been a fool
They will not listen to anyone
So nobody tells them a lie

I know you're only protecting yourself
I know you're thinking of somebody else
Someone who hurt you
But I'm not above
Making up for the love
You've been denying you could ever feel
I'm not above doing anything
To restore your faith if I can
Some people see through the eyes of the old
Before they ever get a look at the young
I'm only willing to hear you cry
Because I am an innocent man
Oh yes I am

Some people say they will never believe
Another promise they hear in the dark
Because they only remember too well
They heard somebody tell them before
Some people sleep all alone every night
Instead of taking a lover to bed
Some people find that it's easier to hate
Than to wait anymore
I know you don't want to hear what I say
I know you're gonna keep turning away
But I've been there and if I can survive
I can keep you alive
I'm not above going through it again
I'm not above being cool for a while
If you're cruel to me I'll understand

Some people run from a possible fight
Some people figure they can never win
And although this is a fight I can lose
The accused is an innocent man
Oh yes I am
An innocent man

You know you only hurt yourself out of spite
I guess you'd rather be a martyr tonight
That's your decision
But I'm not below
Anybody I know
If there's a chance of resurrecting a love
I'm not above going back to the start
To find out where the heartache began

Some people hope for a miracle cure
Some people just accept the world as it is
But I'm not willing to lay down and die
Because I am an innocent man

I am an innocent man
Oh yes I am
An innocent man

So, in conclusion…
Fear of getting hurt has kind of crippled me. I'm not sure how I got here exactly, but I know I need to let go and start trusting people again. Even new people. Scary. But until I do that, I know I'll be missing out on a lot of great relationships.

Also, I don't know why I can't get rid of that text highlight.