Looking for love....

"I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love."

"Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back...
...But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."

--'Carrie' in the Series Finale of Sex and the City


"Anything less than mad, passionate, extraordinary love is a waste of your time."

"There are too many mediocre things in life to deal with and love shouldn't be one of them."

--Dream for an Insomniac


Erica: Listen to me. You can't hide from love for the rest of your life because maybe it won't work out... maybe you'll become unglued? It's just not a way to live.
Marin: Are you telling me this is good? What's happened to you?
Erica: I think you should consider the possibility that you and I are more alike than you realize. I let someone in, and I had the time of my life.
Marin: I've never had the time of my life.
Erica: I know, baby. And I say this from the deepest part of my heart. What are you waiting for?

--Something's Gotta Give


Robin: I need to know…
George: What? Do I still love you? ...Absolutely. There’s not a doubt in my mind, that in all my anger, my ego, I was always faithful in my love for you. That I made you doubt it… that is the great mistake in a life full of mistakes. The truth doesn’t set us free, Robin. I can tell you I love you as many times as you can stand to hear it and all that does, the only thing, is remind us, love is not enough, not even close.

--Life as a House

FINALLY Summer 2011!!

This semester was by far the most stressful of my college career. By the grace of God, I got through it, passing everything except my piano proficiency, but hey, I'll take that!! It has been a crazy semester, to say the least, with the load of classes and all the stupid politics going on in the school administration. I am beyond grateful that it is finally over!!

This Summer has not been the least bit boring. First Borders closed, so the first week of my summer I was working for them as they were liquidating for a final week. Then it was time to find a job, which thankfully, I have, at Starbucks, and I'm loving it so far. But other than work, there have been bachelorette parties, car troubles, choir rehearsals, cement pouring... there has not been a dull moment yet. There is always something to do, and that's probably because, to some extent, I have to catch up on all the things I couldn't do during the semester!! I swear, if you are a full time student who works, you really have to put your life on hold to do what you need to do. I've got one more year of putting my life on hold, and it really sucks, from that perspective. I'm about to be 24, and I'm feeling it.

I feel... stuck in a rut. I'm not ashamed of living at home. I'm not ashamed of being single; in fact, I'm kinda proud of it because I have not settled for anyone, and I never will. However, in all honesty, I am sick of being stuck in those two situations. I feel that my job at Starbucks is a stepping stone to getting out on my own because I'm getting paid more by the hour than I have anywhere else. Also, I'm in the beginnings of setting up my own Mary Kay business. I never thought I'd be one of those women, and in all honestly, I do not really fit in with them, but it seems like a good opportunity that could actually get me somewhere, if I put enough effort into it. I hope I'm moving in the right direction...

...But I know I'm still going to be at home and probably single a year from now... and that makes my soul hurt. I'm trying to keep an open mind and say, "anything could happen," but come on... I've still got a year of school left... I won't have time for crap else. And even after that, I'll be starting my life!! for real! Trying to get out on my own, and hopefully become a self-sufficient adult!! That's going to take a hell of a lot of work, too. So... when is life going to happen? People keep saying, it'll happen when I least expect it. Well I'm almost 24.... and I'm sick of being patient. What does God want from me?! I don't understand.

Song: Make You Fell My Love -- Adele

Shows!!!

Okay, so the Opera this year is an evening with Leonard Bernstein, and it's going to be really cool. We've got clips of him talking, so he's MCing his own show, and all of the numbers are coming together really well! I hope you can all make it out! The show is Friday and Sunday night at 8 PM in Dunham Theater at HBU. There is a suggested donation at the door of $15, but if you can't pay, don't worry about it. Just pay what you can/ would like; it would REALLY help us out, but if you just want to come watch the show, you're more than welcome to do that!! You will have a great time! It's going to be fabulous!

Also, my Junior Recital is coming up (eeeek!). I would greatly appreciate your support. These are the most important and exciting part of my degree; this Junior Recital and then I'll have a Senior Recital next Spring (probably-- It's obviously not on the calender yet.) Just please, if you care about me at all, come! These are possibly the most important events in my life thus far. My Junior Recital is Monday, April 25th at 7:30 PM in Belin Chapel at HBU. It's free and we will be going out afterwards, so join us if you can!

Thanks in advance for your support! My friends and I are working so hard, so we greatly appreciate it!!

drowning

I am feeling sooo overwhelmed I don't know what to do. I don't have time to do anything. I don't have time to write this post, or take any time at all for myself, but I have to. I just can't seem to focus only on all the ridiculous amounts of work I have to do. I have no idea if I'm actually going to pull it off, and yet, if I don't pull it off, I'm screwed. There goes the past 6 years of my life trying to achieve a college degree. I'm 23. When did things get so heavy? When did life just start to collapse in on me? Don't talk to me about relying on God. What does that mean exactly? He's not going to do it all for you. You have to try. You have to do what you can, right? You have to bust your butt. He's not going to get this degree for me; I have to do that. And I am not the student I need to be to do that. I focus on one thing, then another thing falls apart. I focus on one class, then another classes grade falls apart. I focus on my crummy little job, and then come home and focus on my degree, and then go back to work like I'm a beginner again. I'm killing myself in the process of trying to grow up. How does anyone balance everything? I really want to just give up: go crawl into bed and not come out until this is all over, whatever "this" is.

people = stupid??

Truly... I wonder sometimes. We're supposed to be intelligent beings, right? How come I hear about all these intelligent people, but meeting them in person is so exceptionally rare? Most of our clientel where I work don't know the difference between cappuccino and latte... mocha and coffee. Seriously... what is wrong with people? We have the internet, where you can literally find out anything you want to know in complete privacy and almost instantly, and yet I swear we're getting dumber and dumber. So, what is it? Do we expect to be handed everything and therefore, have we become nothing but a bunch of lazy idiots? By "we," I'm hopefully just talking about Americans, but then it's probably only a matter of time before it echo's into the rest of the world. Ya know, America used to be where all the people who needed freedom from their countries came, and innovated, and invented, and created a whole new country, and anyone could become anything they wanted, and anything could happen. Where is that America now? 'Cause almost all I see everywhere I go is a bunch of lazy idiots who expect to be given everything, expect that no matter what happens in the rest of the world, our country will continue on being free and "happy." Not to mention a bunch of crazed, busy, frantic people who don't think food in a restaurant should ever take more than 15 minutes (food takes time to cook people, and even longer to get ordered and made correctly), hate their jobs/ lives and don't ever seem to stop and think, "what can I do to make this world better?" or hell, just THEMSELVES better!! They just keep going with the vain, ignorant hope that everything will work out okay. And, in the meantime, treating everyone around them as if they do not matter half as much as them.

I know people have been convinced the world is going to hell for centuries, constantly asking, "what is this world coming to," and it hasn't quite imploded yet, but how bad does it have to get before WE CHANGE IT!!! I really don't get it. God gave you a brain people. THINK!! Treat others as if they matter, maybe even more than you, 'cause guess what... THEY PROBABLY DO!! Let's just go with that: they probably do. 'Cause who can say otherwise? Just God. When you go to a restaurant, recognize that the hostess/ waitress is probably a high school girl trying to save up for college, or a car, or to help her family make ends meet in these difficult times. And recognize that if you have to wait an hour for a table on a Saturday night, THAT'S NOT HER FAULT!! Don't treat her like a servant, 'cause she's not one. Treat her as you would like someone to treat your daughter/ sister/ mother/ wife. When you criticize the celebrities that we all love to criticize so much, try to let some part of you remember that they are not perfect, they are not out there to be a good example for our kids or whatever. They are just people.... people who wanted to act, or sing, or whatever... and they're trying to figure life out just like we all are. Don't use whatever complaint you can come up with about wherever you're shopping/ eating/ staying as an excuse to show off by complaining and acting like an arrogant jackass. Treat people like people. Why is that so hard? When people work under you, that does not mean that you can/ should treat them like dogs/ servants. Recognize that you should treat them with the same amount of respect that they show you (which yes, aught to be a lot).

That was a really long soap box rant, and I'm sorry, but I'm just currently astonished by the number of people who don't know or enact these basic truths. A person's a person no matter how small/ big/ dark/ light/ skinny/ fat/ morose/ cheerful/ rich/ poor...... blah blah blah. Get off your high horse. Learn a thing or two about the world. There's a lot more to it than just what you see in your tiny, narrow perspective.

I'm going to use that last sentence as a cheerful reminder that hopefully, (I pray, dear God, pleeeaaaaseee!!!) not everyone is a selfish idiot, no matter how strongly it may seem that way.

okay...

So I'm done with the "working out" entries. At least for now. I mean, 1- I haven't been working out. This has been the week from hell, and this semester doesn't look like it's gonna lighten up. 2- No one's commenting or encouraging me or anything, and that is kinda the point of it, so, forget it. I'll just write when/ what I feel like writing.

Which, right now is... THANK GOD FOR THIS WEEKEND! I've been busting my ass writing a paper all week. One which I, very stupidly, put off until the last minute. These days, I feel so overwhelmed with school, I guess I just put things out of my mind and try to deal with what's in front of me (which is a lot in itself). But that means that these things sneak up on me, and that is very very incredibly and potentially academically fatally awful. lol. (I dunno if that was the correct way to put those words together, but hopefully you understand what I mean.) So, I don't really know the best way to fix that, but I'm just going to try and tackle everything as early as possible. It's difficult though when I finally get some time to myself to sit and relax, to spend it doing hw. Such is, sadly, the life of a full time college student, though. I wish I didn't have to be full time for my scholarship. Or I wish that the school system understood that full time for a music student is far worse than the normal full time. I mean, choir is like an hour credit course, but we meet every single day and have rehearsals and concerts outside of it, and if we're a good choir, then that takes us working on our part outside of class as well. Then there's Private Voice which, I've got a recital to give this semester, so hopefully that explains why I'm going so insane. I'm really beginning to wonder if I am physically and mentally capable of doing all the things I need to do this semester. And I don't think having a recital adds any official hours to my course-work... which is insane. I could go on all day, but to sum up, how the hell does anybody do this?? I fell like my life has to be on hold until I graduate, but oh wait, IT CAN'T. I still have family commitments, financial issues, and a million other struggles to deal with.

Sigh, I dunno... but here I go to try. Thanks, to those of you who actually do read this.

working out- weeks 2 & 3

Okay, so, obviously, I've missed a week of writing in here, and surprise, surprise... I haven't been working out either. I have a pretty good excuse in that I've been sick and still have had to balance that with school and work. However, like I said before, it's still an excuse. I'm just going to try to pick myself up again and get motivated again... as soon as I can.

I am still sick, though on the mend. I went to the doctor yesterday and am taking a million things to try and get over this ASAP. I have another choir concert this week. Last week was our "Pops" Concert to raise money for Vienna, and this week is the Rutter Requiem with a local church choir. My primary concern is school, with a paper due next week and a recital to prepare for, and hopefully being able to sing for this concert on Friday. Working out will have to take a backseat as I work at those things first.